Christine Miles’ What Is It Costing You Not to Listen?: The Power of Understanding to Connect, Influence, Solve & Sell is a true tour-de-force that puts listening first as really the secret to successful relationships in all aspects of life. Christine provides examples of how listening to customers can help salespeople, how listening can mend relationships, and how listening can bring people together in amazing ways. Filled with practical steps and colorful stories that model listening, this book may well be the one every business and person needs to enhance their relationships.
Of course, we have all heard about the value of listening, but unfortunately, most of us do not listen well. We often end up in conflict or confusion as a result. However, as Christine points out, this is really not our fault because no one has taught us how to listen. She even cites sources that show we get more training in speaking than listening. In fact, only 2 percent of people have ever had any kind of training in listening.
Christine is determined to change that. As a business consultant, executive coach, and radio show host, she teaches people individually and in organizations how to listen. Often, people pay lip service to listening, but they don’t really understand how to do it or its incredible value. Christine educates people on the best practices for listening, including how to get people to share more because you are such a good listener. Now in What Is It Costing You Not to Listen? she shares her powerful, yet simple techniques so a true listening revolution can begin.
Sprinkled throughout the book are powerful quotes about listening that really bring home how important it is. For example, Christine quotes Jim George as saying, “Listening is an act of love. When you listen to people, you are communicating non-verbally that they are important to you.” Enhancing our relationships with others is a key benefit of listening, but Christine also points out the benefits to ourselves, stating, “I have found that the more I see others, bear witness to their pain, and ultimately understand them, the more I heal my own wounds and losses, cultivating both personal and business success.”
The book is divided into three sections, detailing why listening is so important, how to listen differently, and a final section on what Christine calls the Listening Path™, which provides the tools you need to transform how you listen. Each chapter contains exercises to allow the reader to practice what they have learned.
Perhaps what surprised me most about this book is that learning to listen doesn’t just entail not speaking when others are talking or even refraining from rehearsing in our heads what we will say when the other person concludes speaking, but following simple practices to get other people to talk more and to say the stuff that is really important. Christine encourages us to listen in a way that makes the speaker feel confident, safe, and willing to share with us. By doing so, we can learn people’s backstories and get to the heart of what is really important to them so we can understand them, empathize with them, connect with them, and maybe even join them in finding ways to heal our pain or work together toward a common goal, such as improving a business’ profit, making our work environment better, or meeting our customers’ needs.
I was stunned and at the same time fully agreed with Christine when she pointed out that the cause of many problems is a failure to listen. The solution to those problems is also listening. While Christine shows how listening can help enhance personal relationships and improve the workplace, I can see how it would have phenomenal results if our political and world leaders would employ it. Imagine the changes that would happen if members of Congress from both parties actually listened to one another about their fears, concerns, hopes, and dreams. Imagine if meetings between world leaders were not about trying to stop war or improving trade but first about truly listening to others’ viewpoints. I hope world leaders will read this book. I hope every member of Congress reads it. I hope everyone on a school board or city council reads it. I hope parents read it, and I hope their teenage children read it. It is time for a worldwide listening revolution.
Of course, none of us can change the world just by hoping, but we can change ourselves. We can start to learn how to listen better to improve our own relationships, and by doing so, we can create a ripple effect.
If I haven’t convinced you yet to read What Is It Costing You Not to Listen?, let me conclude with some words directly from Christine: “What is not listening costing you? Have you gone through a breakup, divorce, had employees leave, not made a deal, lost a customer, have children who are struggling, friendships that have been lost, children who you’re not close with, a team that can’t get things done together? In all these scenarios, the ability to listen is a common thread to both causing and solving these problems. Have you ever asked yourself how your ability to listen affects your life? What have you lost? What are you about to lose? What are you missing without even knowing it?”